BACK FROM THE DEAD

sinus infections, (semi) sobriety, and the death of instagram??

Oh babies where do I even begin? I won’t put you through it (I sounded exactly like my mother there) but let’s just say I spent the past 3 weeks sicker than I have probably ever been. I caught some weird virus (what the fuck goes on down here in Florida!?) then I thought I was okay enough to travel to New York (which was incorrect), spent my whole time in New York sick as a dog, flew home, got worse, wound up on antibiotics, and am finally functioning again (albeit with a bit of brain fog from said antibiotics).

I know its cliche but you truly do not realize how fragile your health is until you don’t have it. There were days I did not have the strength to pick up my phone. I’d just use all my energy to pathetically call out to Aaron from the bedroom to change the thermostat one degree because that’s how sensitive I was to every fucking thing. Aaron is a literal angel and I consider myself the luckiest woman on the planet to have a man who takes care of me the way he does. I couldn’t possibly catalog the thousands of things he did for me over the past few weeks but I will just say, I am so grateful.

One unexpected twist from my illness is that I stopped drinking alcohol (obviously) and I’m really happy about that. I have an interesting relationship with wine. One that has evolved quite a bit over time. I’m going to get into it in a standalone post because the conversation deserves that and I want to hear from you as well because I think a lot of women can relate. I don’t have the desire to be totally sober forever, but my taste and desire for it has changed drastically and not to sound all perimenopausal about it, but at 45 years old, drinking on a regular basis isn’t doing me any favors.

A few added bonuses about staying off the sauce:

• My mood has been pretty damn good considering the fact that I’ve been so sick

• My skin is supple and my jawline is snatched

• I’ve been sleeping deeply and have no weird 3 AM wake-ups

• I’ve saved quite a few bucks!

I’ve decided to extend the break past my illness and Aaron is doing it with me. We’ve gone out a few times and ordered NA beers (we had NA Coronas yesterday at this amazing fish taco place) and it felt even better than as if we had ordered real booze.

I don’t have rules around this. If I decide I want to try a glass I’ll have it, but right now I truly have no desire. And that feels a whole lot better than saying “I can’t.” More to come on this soon.

Another revelation I had during my downtime: I really can’t stand Instagram! I want to be careful with this, because I am extremely grateful that I got to build my original community on that platform, but my god things have changed. I dread opening the app, yet I do it anyway, almost unconsciously. It just feels like a ton of recycled content, noise, and things I frankly never need to see. I never feel smarter or more enlightened after I scroll. I just feel…overstimulated and annoyed. I don’t feel inspired to post there, but I feel like I have to, which leads to this weird resistance. The whole thing is just…yuck.

So I’m going to do what I do best - double down on the things I love. It feels so good to be on Substack, writing my heart out, not worrying about an aesthetic grid or a perfect picture. Just me and my words. So that’s what I’ll do. Here’s where I’ll be.

Okay, I’m about to go make another coffee (another delight I did not get to enjoy while sick that I am so eternally grateful to have back!). OH before I forget! My writing community, Hot Girl Writing House meets next week for our first workshop of October and it’s called Stop Writing Pretty. We’ll explore writing from our shadow side and releasing the need to tie up every story with a bow. Plus, we have 2 other write-ins this month to help you show up for your art. Come and join us here. I’d love to have you.

xx

Cara