What Would Jayne Mansfield Do?
and other very important thoughts
On the edge of summer all my meals are little sandwiches I learned how to make from Bethenny Frankel’s TikTok and they all involve deli meats but it’s okay we’re all gonna die from something.
For a while I thought heartbreak may be the thing but it turns out what doesn’t kill you makes you a dog mom (again). Did I rescue her? Or she, me? Yes it’s a cliche but we all want to be rescued and when I discovered it would not be by a man or a bottle of Chardonnay I went straight to the adoption event! Look at this queen. Please ignore the crumb on her lip she loves to eat just like mommy <3
Anywho. It feels like the entire world is using ChatGPT to write their writings these days and I can always tell because suddenly the most uncreative people are using alliteration like cocaine and em dashes in every sentence and I swear I have been doing both since the fourth grade. But the world continues to turn and the weird ones just get weirder (your AI could never).
I have listened to Sabrina Carptener’s smash hit “Espresso” no less than 12,394 times and I can’t seem to get enough. Isn’t that sweet? I guess so.
What else can I say? Oh if you are in New York City on May 14th I highly recommend coming to my next Tortured Bloggers Department reading because it’s the official public book launch soirée for Don’t Do Anything I Would Do! It will be held at the world-renowned Kings County Distillery as usual so come ready to laugh, cry, and cringe and enjoy a gorgeous cock-tale or three! We’ll have some brilliant readers, a book signing, a giant pink cake, and more.
Reserve your spot here, kitten.
And finally, I have decided that Jayne Mansfield will be my guiding starlet for the foreseeable future. I love having a muse to inspire my daily decisions like, what perfume to wear or just how much deli meat to stack on my miniature sandwich? Do I pick up the same sweatpants of the floor in the morning or toss my leopard print silk robe and float around this place like a god damn queen? What would Jayne Mansfield do? is the new mantra and we’re channeling soft glamour! pinup vibes! bombshell energy only!
But don’t let the platinum hair and cone-shaped bra fool you, Jayne apparently spoke five languages and had an IQ of over 160. She was once quoted as saying: “I will never be satisfied. Life is one constant search for betterment for me.”
Same, queen. Same.
XO,
Cara
PS - I would love to invite you to become a paid subscriber. It’s honestly the most supportive thing you can do for me as a female artist and it’s only $7 a month!! (that’s cheaper than that bottle of grocery store Sauvy B that will undoubtedly leave you with a rancid hangover and a mountain of regret after you drink the whole thing and text someone you shouldn’t!!). Paid subscribers get all my secret posts (and now that I have published this damn book I will be writing to you a lot more), plus early access and invites to things like book readings, writing classes, author chats + more!! You can become a paid subscriber or update your free subscription below <3
Mariska just made that new doc "My mom Jayne"!
I'm obsessed with Mazzy. Such a cutie!