Inconvenient Women

a funeral for your inner cool girl

RIP to the girl who said Are you sure? Would you mind? Is that going to be too hard for you? Oh no it’s okay I got it. I totally understand! I believe you. I don’t really need much. I’m not really hungry. It’s alright I’ll come to you again. I just came.

RIP to the girl who let it go on for too long. Who ignored the warning signs. Who let her compassion trump her own needs. Who ate breadcrumbs when she was hungry for a whole meal. Who never made plans on Fridays because she was hoping you’d make them with her. Who made excuses for you.

RIP to the girl who let you have the last glass of wine. Who ate the burnt toast. Who faked her orgasms. Who pretended not to notice you were adopting her whole personality and making it your own.

Welcome, to the woman who asks for exactly what she wants. Who doesn’t settle for half efforts. Who doesn’t believe half truths.

Welcome, to the woman who lets the world know when she is hungry. Who lets you know when she’s had enough.

Welcome, to the woman who is inconvenient.

I once heard someome say Men don’t move on and find someone better, they find someone easier.

Convenient. Situated as to allow easy access to, the dictionary says.

This made me think about how many times I was the easy one. The backup. The sure bet. The last minute plan. The doormat. The option. The one who allowed easy access.

Speak up and risk losing a piece of him even though I never had all of him?

Speak up and risk making him uncomfortable?

Speak up and risk being…alone?

I was afraid of all of this until I decided I was more afraid of remaining chained to a life of passive devotion. Once I became inconvenient, I realized my solitude was not a punishment, it was a gift. Once I became inconvenient, I unleashed a beast. Once I became inconvenient, I found my way back to myself.

If your greatest fear is causing discomfort, I invite you to become an inconvenient woman. We may not be easy. But we are free.

PS — I want to say a huge thank you to all of my subscribers! I am blown away at how this blog has taken off. I decided to go all in and it is working. What began as a creative experiment and artistic outlet for me is truly becoming a real job and source of income and I could not do it without you — especially everyone who supports me by being a paid subscriber. If you are new here, or have been a free subscriber, I would be so grateful if you decided to upgrade to a paid subscription. It’s essentially the equivalent of buying me a cup of coffee once a month but it means so much more to me. Plus, you’ll get access to exclusive posts that I don’t share publicly, and very special author talks and other things I’m planning for us this summer :)